You Make Me Wanna Die
by The Queen of Double Standards
Summary: Mayu was innocent, naive, but Seeu changed her. Drugs, alcohol, whatever it took to get closer to the one she loved, Mayu would do. Seeu barely noticed her, though, even if Mayu had thrown away her entire future for her.


**You Make Me Wanna Die**

_Taste me, drink my soul  
__Show me all the things that I shouldn't know  
__And there's a new moon on the rise  
_-Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless

"C'mon, kitty cat, just one sniff's not gonna kill ya," Seeu laughed, eyeing her prey with that demonic grin. Mayu hung back tentatively, looking like she wanted to but too terrified to cross over. Miku rolled her eyes and turned her attention elsewhere. She had no idea why Seeu had brought this little brat along with them tonight, but Miku had her eyes set higher. Her eyes sparkled with flirtation as Luka's eyes met hers along the room.

"I really don't think that's safe," Mayu insisted, looking fearfully at the white powder Seeu was offering to her. She glanced around for someone to support her opinion, but rest of the people who'd come were either already high or in the process of doing whatever they deemed more interesting. Mayu quickly looked away from Lily and Kiyoteru, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment at what she saw. What they were doing was certainly _interesting_.

Seeu laughed and swung back into her seat. "Then why'd you come, kitty cat? Go on home if you're not gonna play." Mayu opened her mouth to speak again, but she'd lost Seeu's interest already. She was busy taking a shot of alcohol straight out of Miku's mouth before turning to her other side and pinning Miki against the wall, sliding her hands under the cherry-haired girl's shirt within an instant. Mayu slid back into the shadows, trying not to attract anyone's attention as she left. She didn't stop in her hurried pace until she was out in the fresh air.

Mayu paused against the wall, feeling utterly crushed. What was she supposed to do? She didn't want anything to do with all those things Seeu and her friend were always pushing into their systems. Mayu was smart; she knew to stay away from that stuff. She also knew how she felt for Seeu, though. She wanted to be with Seeu, all the time, no matter what. Seeu was in a completely different league, though, and there was nothing she could do to keep her attention.

She loved Seeu so much that it killed her every day to see Seeu doing all this. She wished she could be with her, to stop her from doing all of it. If anything, she wished she could just _be_ with Seeu. Seeu was dark, dangerous, beautiful. Mayu wished she wasn't so naïve. She wished she wasn't so scared. She wished she was brave enough to step into Seeu's world. If she did that, would Seeu finally notice her? Mayu sighed, knowing she didn't have the courage to do that. With one last glance at the doors she'd passed through, Mayu headed back home.

_**- In a Day -**_

"Hey, look who's back!" cheered Lily as she saw Mayu come through the door. Mayu's face flushed as she felt eyes fall onto her. She hated being so conspicuous. She'd love to just blend into the crowd, even if it was this bad kind of crowd, the one her parents had always warned her to stay away from. Though Mayu came here every day to catch a mere glimpse of Seeu, she always ran off quickly. When they started trying to get her to join them, she meant.

"Gonna try anything today, kitty cat?" questioned Miku who sat on one side of Kiyoteru, her hands somewhere Mayu would rather not look as Lily kept Kiyoteru's mouth busy from his other side. Before Mayu responded, though, Miku had moved to straddle Kiyoteru and push Lily aside, claiming his lips for hers.

"I know what I'd like to try today," purred Miki, leering at Mayu from her seat beside Seeu. Mayu felt the need to cover herself up, but she knew she didn't have much skin showing in the first place. "What do you say, kitty cat?" Mayu quickly shook her head, horrified to know that they were all picturing her like that. "Shame. I know how to please 'em, y'know."

Mayu looked at her feet, prepared to bolt. She might have were she not craving Seeu's voice so desperately. She wanted to hear Seeu call her 'kitty cat'. It was Seeu that had first called her that since Mayu had never gotten the chance to introduce herself. She looked slowly up at Seeu, who was smirking at her. "Geez, kitty cat, why do you even come here every night? If you're not even gonna try, then how do you know you won't like it?"

Mayu's joy over Seeu listening to her was over the moment she figured out what Seeu had said. Quietly, she replied, "I was told to stay away from that stuff. The long term effects aren't worth the pleasure, they said."

Seeu laughed at that and took a swig of alcohol as she leapt off the couch. Mayu's eyes widened in alarm as Seeu made her way over. The younger girl's heart raced in panic, not knowing what to do. It wasn't long before Seeu was on her, and, suddenly, she felt Seeu's lips prying hers open. Mayu barely had the time to realize that she'd just been given her first kiss before she had to desperately swallow the liquids that had been poured into her mouth. She let out a cough as the last bit caught in her throat, and Seeu patted her on the back, saying, "Start small, kitty cat, and work your way up." Mayu continued coughing for an embarrassing moment as Seeu left her side once more. Mayu had to admit, the alcohol wasn't all that bad. So, when Luka offered her a glass of her own, Mayu didn't refuse.

_**- In a Week -**_

"Whoa, cool it down, kitty cat," laughed Miku, pulling Mayu's third glass of the night from her grips. Mayu glared at her viciously, but Miku's only response was, "You start paying, you can keep drinking."

Mayu knew Miku was right. After all, Mayu joined them nightly, returning home wasted each time. She never paid a cent, though, and she still had no idea who it was that paid, in any case. She didn't know how to get the money for any of this, though; it wasn't as though her parents would give her money to keep drinking. They may have been irresponsible enough not to realize the intoxicated state she came home in each night, but they weren't _that_ bad. Irritated, Mayu told Miku, "I'm not old enough to get a job, Miku. How am I supposed to get the money?"

Miku rolled her eyes with a smirk, and Mayu heard Lily laugh. She looked to the girl curiously, and the blonde informed her, "'Paying' doesn't have to mean using money." Her eyes sparkled mischievously, and she informed her, "You can pay me, for example. I've been wondering about you lately."

As Lily's eyes fell onto Mayu's chest, the younger girl's face flushed red past the alcohol. She stepped back, appalled, and glared at Lily, barking, "No way in hell!"

Lily just laughed, luckily, and didn't get visibly offended, returning her attention instead to Miki. "Whatever you say, kitty cat. If you don't swing that way, I'm sure Kiyoteru wouldn't mind accepting your payment."

Mayu wrinkled her nose in distaste, even more horrified by the thought of doing _that_ with a _guy_. Miki laughed when she saw this and replied to Lily, "It seems that she doesn't swing _that_ way. You're just not her type." Eyes glimmering with mirth, she asked Mayu, "So what about me, kitty cat? I'd be glad to cover your tab if you'd pay me."

Mayu shook her head and told them, "There's only one person I'm interested in, and she's the only one I'd even consider paying like that." Honestly, Mayu couldn't see herself doing something as immoral as that, but maybe, just maybe, it would get Seeu to notice her. Before she could even glance at the girl she idolized, Miku was speaking.

"Please, who _hasn't_ dreamt of doing Seeu?" she questioned, looking to Lily and Miki, who nodded in consent. Mayu's eyes widened, her face flushed with embarrassment as she whipped her head toward Seeu, who had inevitably heard her name and turned toward their conversation. "I pay _her_ for the chance to."

"I-I never said—" started Mayu.

"No need," laughed Lily. Then, she informed Seeu, "Hey, Seeu, this girl was wondering if she could pay you."

Seeu didn't even bother looking at Mayu before saying, "I have better things to do." Then, without another word more, she looked elsewhere.

Mayu froze, her face flushing and then blanching. Rejection. Suddenly, she felt sick. She couldn't bear being here anymore. She stood up abruptly and told her companions, "I have to go home. I have a test tomorrow." It was true that she did, but her attention to her grades had slipped recently, dropping her from fifth-ranked in her grade to much, much lower. As they bade her farewell, she looked at Seeu one last time, but the girl's attention was elsewhere. Slowly, she made her way elsewhere, heading back home with only one thought on her mind. Seeu didn't care about her. She barely even knew who she was. Seeu was the most important person in Mayu's existence, and, to Seeu, Mayu was nothing.

_**- In a Month -**_

"C'mon, Seeu, one time!" Mayu, heavily under the influence of alcohol, begged, leaning across the girl's lap and looking up at her with a pout. "I swear I'll be good! I'll do anything you ask of me! I don't care what kinky stuff you're into!"

"Not interested," Seeu replied simply, not even bothering to move Mayu as the girl continued pouting. Seeu was used to having girls all over her; pheromones attracted people to her. She wasn't interested in this shrimp, though. She was still so young, after all. She was innocent.

"I wanna drink more, though," Mayu argued, knowing all the while that her true motives were ulterior.

"Any of the others would be glad to accept your payment," Seeu informed her.

Mayu puffed out her cheeks in indignation. It wasn't fair. She loved Seeu. She'd do anything for her, but Seeu wouldn't even give her the time of day. So, annoyed, Mayu replied, "Fine, maybe I'll go do it with one of them."

"Now you're getting the picture," Seeu replied, moving Mayu aside so that she could get off her seat and meet Luka at the door. Mayu watched, irritated, and then glanced around herself. The first person she caught sight of was Miki. She paused. Was she really considering this? Somewhere along the line, she'd become absolutely open to the idea of doing it with Seeu, and, now, it seemed like she was completely fine with Miki. She wasn't hesitant, at least, when she met Miki's eyes. The cherry-haired girl held out a glass of scotch.

"Whataya say?" she wondered, and Mayu smiled at her. Well, maybe this would get Seeu's attention. So, without another thought, she grabbed the glass and filled her mouth, replicating Seeu's action a while back as she pressed her mouth against Miki's and let the liquids flow into her companion, sliding her tongue into Miki's mouth to be sure that the other girl would drink it.

It went uphill from there. Mayu didn't quite know what she was meant to be doing, but Miki didn't mind either way. Mayu couldn't remember when it was that Miki had convinced her to try out that white powder she and her friends were always inhaling, but Mayu was too high on adrenaline to give much though before accepting. "This stuff is killer. It gets you hooked right away, but it's amazing." She recalled Miki saying that, but it didn't seem to matter at the time. Seeu did it, after all, and Mayu would do anything to get closer to Seeu.

Life got better after that night. Mayu know who to pay to get the most out of a night (Luka), and she knew who was the most amusing to experiment with when she was higher than she'd ever been before (Lily or Kiyoteru, depending on her mood). She knew that Miku was closest to Seeu, that being with her meant getting the slightest bit of attention for Seeu, but she also know that Seeu found Miki to be her most compatible partner. There were times when Mayu thought about getting Miki out of the way, but those were just when she was crashing, headed on her way from school to the bar. She'd learned, too, that life was best when the sun had gone down. Night time used to terrify her, but it was people like Seeu's friends that had terrified her. Drug addicts, drunks. She was one of them, though, and she had no idea why she hadn't given it a try earlier. Sure, her marks were the worst they'd ever been, but who gave a damn about that?

When Mayu came upon the group the next day, she was crashing hard. She whipped a glare at Lily when asked how the exams had gone, because everyone here knew well enough that she'd done terribly. She looked to Seeu, of course, as she always did when she entered. Seeu was looking at her, amused, but she offered nothing other than that. So, unable to contain her annoyance, Mayu snapped, "I'm failing for you, y'know. I never would have even considered dropping out if I didn't love you. I'd die for you if you asked me to. You could at least say hello when I come in."

Seeu didn't say anything to that; instead, she started talking to Miku. Mayu stormed over to Luka and plopped down beside her, accepting all that Luka offered her as Kiyoteru spoke to the younger girl. "She just wanted to get you hooked, Mayu. Now that you're here, you're going to stay, so she won't bother with you anymore. That's how Seeu works. The more of us, the more money she can make selling us this crap." He gestured to the bags of powder on the table before them.

"Maybe I should just die, then," Mayu replied whenever she could pry herself from Luka's mouth for long enough. "If I can't have Seeu, and if my future's already been ruined, there's really no point."

"That's uplifting," breathed Luka before pulling Mayu back, leaving the younger girl without the freedom to speak.

"Your future and your choice, kitty cat," replied Kiyoteru. "We'd miss you, though."

"I know," replied Mayu between Luka's interruptions. "I'd kill to be with Seeu, though. I love her."

"Who doesn't?" replied Lily, taking up Kiyoteru's attention with a devilish grin. It was true. Who wouldn't do absolutely anything to be with Seeu?

_**- In a Year -**_

"Where the fuck did Seeu go?" huffed Mayu, looking around hazily in the club as she acknowledged for the first time that night that Seeu was nowhere to be seen. She looked to her companions, who merely shrugged, and let out a growl of annoyance. "Fine, whatever. I'll go find her, you lazy asses."

"Have fun," chimed Miki, earning herself a glare from Mayu, which only spurred the redhead to laugh. Once the glaring was complete, Mayu headed out of the club in search for her raison d'être, easily finding her with a boy, murmuring something to him with seductive eyes, but he didn't seem interested and simply scowled at her.

"Cash or no dice," he said, leaning over her menacingly, his short navy locks reaching for Seeu's beauty as her flirtatious face faded and turned to iron.

"C'mon, Kaito, gimme a break," she ordered. "I'll pay you guys by next week. You gotta give me some time to get the cash. Not like it just grows on trees, y'know."

"And you think the stuff I've been getting you does?" he snapped. Mayu felt herself grow tense seeing the fright spark in Seeu's eyes for a second before the older girl gained control of herself again. "I already put it off by a week for you, Seeu, and I told you that if you don't get it by this time, there'll be no second chance."

"Fuck you," Seeu spat, glaring at him. "I said I'd get the money, and I'll get it."

"Do you have it?" he questioned. Mayu noticed his hand twitch, and her eyes fell to the pocket of his trench coat. Seeing the bulge there, she slowly made her way toward him from behind, knowing what he was holding. This man had to be Seeu's dealer, and Mayu knew that what they'd been taking was hard stuff. He wasn't playing around.

"I'll get it," Seeu replied, too concentrated on glaring into his blue eyes to notice Mayu creeping toward them. Mayu was close enough now to slip his hand into his pocket, and he was too focused on Seeu to feel the gun lift out of his jacket and into the young girl's hand.

"That's not—" he started, reaching for the gun. Mayu saw the astonishment in his gaze when he clutched empty air. So, out of kindness, she finished the sentence for him.

"Good enough?" she wondered, smiling wickedly. She felt Seeu looking at her, and she relished in the stunned longing in that gaze and the horror in the drug dealer's. Without a second thought, the pointed the gun between his eyes and shot. Seeu's scream ripped through the air, and Mayu looked to her in confusion. She reached for her beloved, failing to pay any mind to the body that fell onto the ground beside her, but Seeu scrambled, her eyes wide in panic as she looked between Mayu and Kaito.

"You killed him!" Seeu screeched.

"He was going to kill _you_," Mayu reasoned. Then, she smiled and said, "Besides, I'd do anything for you, Seeu. I'd even kill for you."

"You killed him!" Seeu repeated, her eyes filling with stunned tears as a crowd gathered. Mayu glanced about the crowd as they rang up the police on their phones. She looked back to Seeu when the girl yelled, glaring at her, "Stay away from me! Don't ever come near me again, you psychopath!"

Mayu jerked back, stung. "But then I'd have no reason to live, Seeu. I love you."

Seeu glared at her viciously and snapped, "Well then just die!"

Mayu gazed at her in disbelief, but, if that was what it would take to make Seeu happy, what could she do? "I'd die for you, too," she informed the other girl as she pointed to gun to her own head. Seeu's eyes widened with horror, and Mayu gave her an option. "So, what should I do? Should I die for you?" Then, as a Miki or Lily shrieked at her from the crowd, she turned the gun to Seeu and wondered, "Or should you die for me?"

**Author's Note: Please review and give me your opinions! And feel free to vote on my poll for what other Vocaloids you'd like to see paired with Mayu! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
